Life is like a box of chocolates.

No, you never know what you're gonna get, but that's what makes life like a box of chocolates, as opposed to a box of . . . cigarettes, I don't know. . .something. Life is good. Life is really good. I'm just sorry there are so many people who don't see it yet. It's all about letting it be, flipping the coin over so that all you see is the heads side. You always know the tails side exists, but you are in control of the coin. It can't flip over on its own. And whether you let the coin just sit there and tarnish over time or you dust it off regularly so it stays shiny and face up always, is a determinant of your happiness. They say if you find a penny heads up, pick it up and it's good luck.  There's always that risk of "what if I mistake it for being heads up when its really tails up, and I pick it up? Will I have bad luck?" It's that doubt in life that'll keep you from ever picking ANY pennies up, literally and metaphorically. No risk, no return.

So 2 nights ago Phil and I went for dinner at the delicious seafood restaurant behind his condo. While we were sitting there chatting and waiting for our food, a man came walking up to the open-to-the-outside-air front steps of the place and offered me something, which I immediately and not knowing for sure what it was, turned down, just before seeing the baby elephant on the other side of the half-wall. I ran out into the dark street without thinking twice, and with eyes the size of apples, began petting an elephant for the first time in my life. Wasn't expecting that! The man gave me some sticks of something to feed the elephant, so I began talking to the elephant like it was a long lost friend, speaking more fluid Thai than I have so far with other humans. She ate the sticks of whatever right out of my hand. I simply put them in her truck and she knew exactly what to do with them. I heard the other day that up north there are elephants that paint beautiful pictures! They have such good muscle memory, that after their owners go threw the motions of painting a certain picture with their trunks, they are able to replicate the motions and develop their own creations! How cool!

So, yesterday was my last day of teaching. No one really knew about it until just before I left, and only my last (and best) class of the day was aware of my departure because the teacher who was to relieve me came and sat in on the class, forcing me to explain. They were stunned and sad, as was I. I found the words difficult to get out, and it was then that I realized how much of an impact these 38 students had had on my life in the 5 weeks of knowing them. In the hall after class, several approached me with long faces, kind words, and big hugs. The new teacher, Sam, who has been teaching students of all ages for a good number of years, said after observing me teach, he actually couldn't find one thing wrong with my style of educating! Having only been teaching for 5 weeks of my life and being able to do it free of fault and critique kinda makes me feel proud, I must say. It felt good to hear that, at least! My students told me I was their favorite teacher ever! Really? Is this real life? haha So cool. No, I'm not cut out to be an English teacher in a Catholic school in Bangkok, Thailand, but it was definitely a cool experience, and I'm so thankful for it! Now I'm receiving all kinds of friend requests on Facebook from my 12th-graders! Woo! Now that I'm a free bird with no obligations, I get to drive the motorcycle around town, while Phil's teaching his little heart out, to explore and find little hidden treasures and sights, and I love it.  Could you guess? I have complained in the past about many parts of the US having crap for public transportation, yet now that I have it, my opinion has changed slightly. It's amazing not to have to wait for public transportation, pay for public transportation, and pay again if  I want to get off somewhere for 2 minutes and then get back on. I guess I just really like having a motorcycle in the city. I'm not used to city life much, and have been fortunate enough to be without a vehicle for the past few years in the States, but living in the city and being able to drive between cars and on sidewalks and such to get "there" quicker and to not have to deal with the traffic because of this "beating the system" method of transportation on a motorcycle, and all while having an adventure of a lifetime every time, is so exciting! No complaints. Still.



I've been dragging Phil's futon couch out onto his 23rd-floor balcony at night to fall asleep to nature's cross-breeze fan and to wake up in the morning to the sunrise grinning and winking at me.  The noises of the city and  the soi (street) dog arguments at random hours of the day and night don't exactly add ease to the serenity of sleeping out there, but when the eyelids of the day have been pulled down and I am perched atop the balcony railing looking out over the skyline of the city nightlife, I can't help feeling like Batman ready to swoop down in the shadows and save some people.  I'll admit, or just state, my constant craving to remove the railing from below my feet and leap into an adrenaline-filled free fall, if only I had means of remaining off the ground. Don't worry, until I find such a thing, whether I have to create something (probably not the cardboard wings my uncle attempted to utilize in his youth) or buy something (for which I haven't the funds right now), I'll remain grounded, just high up. Sad day. But still awesome! I'm just Batman and my cape is in the shop at the moment, so for now I'll just ponder life and devise a plan to save the world for when I get it back! :D
 

What’s with white being the skin color of choice throughout many parts of the world, except where white people generally reside. I guess the grass is always greener, and basically everything boils down to money, but why does it have to be like that? Thais see white skin as beautiful because it means you aren’t outside slaving away in the hot sun doing some “poor person’s” job just to be able to put food on the table. I see white skin as unhealthy, Vitamin D-deficient, weak, and lazy.  I find it rather amusing when people of naturally darker skin tone than I tell me to go inside or get in the shade or cake on the sunscreen or layers of clothing.  I find the deep bronze color of the Thai men (most of the women are lighter) is beautiful! I would love to have skin that color, and not only because I think it’s more attractive, but I think life would be that much more satisfying if that color was the accurate representation of how much time I were able to spend in the sun!   Who cares about the money part? Yeh, yeh money helps you get places and do things and see things yadda yadda, but if your skin isn’t pasty white, and instead looks healthy and full of pigmentation, by all means appreciate it because you’re GETTING to experience one of the universe’s greatest aspects, the Sun.

So, I’m trying to learn Thai via these tapes, along with interaction, of course. But at the moment, I’m practicing pronunciation in Thai, listening to songs in Spanish, and writing this blog post in English. Haha It’s interesting, to say the least, and I’m not sure if it’s helping the process, or making me think harder for no good reason, serving more as a distraction.

I went for a long run this morning and came upon a loud ruckus sourcing from a large crowd of people on the side of a main street who were all wearing pink shirts with “Best of the Year Team” written on them (because here, they say the adjectives before the nouns they describe). Three men and a toddler boy were stacked on top of one another’s shoulders, standing up! They managed to walk back and forth without falling! Then, they dismantled and the guy second from the bottom, tied a shirt into a turban-like thing on his head before starting round 2. This time, the turban man had the guy with the toddler stand on his head! The 4 proceeded to walk in a circle and back and forth! This was all performed to the beat of 3 drums being played by 3 other boys. After all 8 feet were safely on the ground (which took less than 20 seconds), 2 men and 2 boys dressed in 2 dragon costumes, along with another boy adorned in a fancy silk outfit and a “V for Vendetta”-like mask began dancing to the drums. Another guy lit 2 strings of firecrackers simultaneously that were strung about a tree and around this mini wat (temple)...not sure the name of these sacred monuments yet, to which people bring flower and incense offerings and to which they wai (http://www.1stopchiangmai.com/how_to/wai/).  The strands erupted with great commotion for 8 minutes straight! I've never had a fireworks strand last longer than about 20 seconds because they've only been about 2 feet long :(,  but oh my goodness! They don't mess around! 

This is a long weekend for schools because there's an event tomorrow (Friday) for Father's Day and then Monday is the King's birthday, and they ADORE the king with their whole hearts, so there's no school and huge festivities, so how I shall spend the next four days should be nothing less than interesting! Until next time!

 

To come to the surface for air

The Thais are all smiles, especially if you (as a foreigner) give them one first to ease the possible tension of "idk how this farang is going to act, so I'm kind if intimidated by her" and make them feel safe enough to open up and return the smile. I'm talking about MOST of them. There are always exceptions and sometimes I give a smile and get a solid face that just stares, which I don't know how to take yet, but until I do, I just laugh to myself at the possible thoughts racing through their heads.  Thailand is "the land of smiles" though. I don't know what all this garb is I hear about foreigners not being able to smile/look at anyone here because its so unsafe. How are you supposed to make fun of this one life you're given if smiling is a dangerous act? Ridiculous. Like how Europeans are scared to come to the U.S. because they hear how many people are shot and murdered every 30 seconds or whatever and I haven't ever witnessed anything of the sort in my 24 years of living there. It happens everywhere, but it doesn't mean you have to stop living because it's too unsafe to do anything but fear.

The sun's raining down on my skin as I write this atop my balcony overlooking the mountains, river, and the lovely town of Kanchanaburi (the second night in the town, as the River Kwai Mansion).  Such a wonderful escape from the lack of exposure to the sun during the week that I have to deal with, trapped under the covering of the school.  Watched some 14-year-old boys swimming around in the river with little black inner tubes. The River Kwai flows down into the Chao Phraya river that runs through Bangkok. It's much cleaner in Kanchanaburi. There's no way I'd swim in the Chao Phraya in the city, but I did get in a lil ways in the Kwai.

Another thing on Phil's list of things to do in Kanchanaburi that I wouldn't have done on my own was to visit the Death Rail Museum that talks about the Japanese' malicious ways in WWII. Kinda cool to learn about. Met 2 girls from the Netherlands, Flor and Hannakah (sp?)...yeh like the Jewish holiday who were touring around the country for a bit. My tie-dye V-neck shirt got all stretched out on the drive back home to Pakkret.  Boo. Back to trafficland and pollution city. 

It's interesting how poor a majority of this country is, yet I haven't seen one homeless person yet. They're all so close to having nothing (everything), yet they can make do with what they DO have and they are happy.  It's all about mindset. Westerners are too needy. They aren't resourceful. They don't understand and can't fathom life without things. 

I love how colorful Thais make everything. Their vehicles are all pimped out in vibrant colors, or are pimped out in some way. Even the garbage trucks are adorned with colorful shapes and designs on the backs and sides. The air con buses are out of control! Double-decker charter-bus-like things with air brushed images from top to bottom and front to back, with chrome exhaust pipes, loud, fancy sound systems blasting dance music, and covered with dozens of lights on the front. Some have these Michelin man-like things on the front, too...3-D. So intense, you can't help but laugh when one comes plowing down the street. The sawng-thaews have bright lime green roofs in the back, purple, yellow and green lights, some have disco balls and huge speakers and sub woofers like a party bus to take you to and from work. haha So hysterical.

The toilet paper, if you can find it...which is usually a travel package of tissue that some girls and foreigners carry around, is about the size of one square of American toilet paper. there are no paper towels, and there DEFINITELY aren't paper towels 16 inches x 12 inches like in the States. "Tissue" of any sort is not only hard to find, but also comes in environmentally-conscious sizes. Why do we think bigger is always better? Grr.

Empty Gravity

I don't want to convert. I don't want to rebel. I want to know. What's the harm in asking questions and being curious? Doing so in a way that doesn't judge, one way or the other, after learning something, but simply using the information to put the puzzle pieces of fact together in order to be able to see the whole image as it is, not how it should or could be.

I love rewarding my students. I love giving them candy or letting them play games in class, educational games (usually) where they actually all have fun and laugh and smile. I love saying something (completely without direct intention) that somehow or another ends up making someone feel special and tickles his or her soul, if only for a moment. I do believe everything happens for a reason, and when my words or actions end up affecting someone positively, to my awareness, I can't help but giggle at the beauty of someone feeling special.

One of my students (12-years-old) was writing sentences about how he felt. One sentence said "When I feel unhappy, I eat coke." hahaha I had to laugh hysterically. And this is why our world is so corrupt!

Thai food has yet to disappoint me. Granted, I have had a few dishes that made me basically cry for about 20 minutes, my face turn red, and practically made me blow a fuse because of the intensit of the spiciness, but it's always been well worth it. The best part so far has been the fact that I don't have a clue about most of the ingredients in my food. I usually have no idea what I am eating. They cut up whole chickens (even though I don't eat chicken) and throw everything in the pan, include whole herbs like whole, raw galangal (Thai ginger) root pieces, huge and impossible-to-chew bay leaves, and some sort of peppercorns they use that add so much flavor, but are SO intense if eaten raw or without by themselves and whole. My point is that I love the constant stimulation  of all these new foods that always have some sort of surprise about them. There's usually at least one or two ingredients that I discover at the bottom of the dish or that I've never tried or seen before.

Down in Bangkok near Khao San Road is the famous Wat Phra kaew nd Grand Palace. Apparently this is the most famous temple in the country, and for good reason. It's stunning details, colors, intricacy of architecture and decoration, as well as its enormous lay out, consumed me for several hours one day. This was my first true experience with Buddhism as a religion. Incense and flowers were given as offerings, shoes were piled high and left outside the actual temple, and every square centimeter of these buildings was adorned with some sort of color of paint or texture that blew my mind. The entire expanse of one bordering wall told a story via hand-painted murals and gold flaking. So much time and care is put into each piece of these temples, resulting in a fine display and representation of the Buddhist culture.

A friend from back in the States came to Thailand on a yoga retreat last week, and although we were unable to get together before she had to return, she sent a new Polish friend Daria (from Ft. Lauderdale, FL) my way, who was staying in the country a few extra days and wanted to hang out with a face from a familiar place. Together, we took a van from  Bangkok to a place about 2 hours west of here called Kanchanaburi. This is a smaller, but also touristy little city, and another place to scratch off on my list of places to which I need to visit.  Teacher Phil met us there on his motorcycle.  After being crammed in this large van like sardines for a few hours and not being able to put my feet up on my seat or the one in front of me (because it's Thailand and feet are considered dirty and should not be shown or aimed at anyone), we were bombarded at the bus station with Thais trying to make a buck from the tourists and give us a ride in their tuk tuks or taxis or motorcycles. It was slightly overwhelming for a few moments, but once we got away from the station area and found a row of food stalls to pacify our hunger pangs, we were able to relax and take in the scene. I was feeling ballsy and curious (go figure) and ended up buying an assortment of insects and amphibians to snack on as an appetizer. Phil and Daria were rather speechless throughout the selection, purchasing (only 30 baht...about $1), and eating process, and I must say their faces were priceless. It was new and different and I don't necessarily support the mass extinction of these creatures (grasshoppers, frogs, larvae, centipede things, etc.) but it was one of those you just have to try once to say you did, so...I did. They were pretty crunchy, and I would probably prefer them covered in chocolate or a dip of some sort, but they were cooked and lightly salted and actually not too bad. There was about one heaping handful of assorted critters that lasted me through the next day's breakfast. haha. I definitely got my protein in that day! We stayed in floating rooms with walls and ceilings constructed from paper-thin sugarcane on the River Kwai, the first night. I woke up to this loud noise of a long tail boat pulling a huge floating restaurant down the river. Soo loud..

We rented another motorcycle and toured through the winding mountain roads, fresh air, and tiny villages
 of the Thai countryside about an hour north to the Erawan Waterfalls.  I felt so alive behind the handlebars with the wind in my hair, turning it into one big dread lock. My nose filled with hundreds of aromas that shuffled through the air, all so different, yet all so deliciously invigorating.  Each one made my smile grow wider and wider. The untethered feeling of having control of time, speed, and direction that was given me the moment I affixed myself in the driver's seat of the motorcycle was a brilliant highlight of my time here to date.  It was yet another feeling to add to my ever-growing list of indescribable feelings I've experienced. I've driven motorcycles before, preferably dirt bikes that I could take off-roading on dirt ramps and through the woods in a race to not get to anywhere, but to get the most out of the experience, meaning faster speeds, steeper jumps, trickier terrain, etc. Every experience is different, though, and this one, on this bike, with this girl on the back, both of us with bare feet, in this country, driving down this road to this place, was unforgettable.  Weaving in and out between trucks with bamboo poles piled 7 feet high on top of the racks and finally getting a first-hand dose of Thai-style driving was incredible.  So free! Smiles and waves from all the passers-by who happen to be watching the road from their lazy hammocks, fruit stands, or bungalows made me giddy.  Once we arrived at the waterfall park, we were greeted by foreigners (farangs) from every corner of the globe, and they were speaking languages to which I've not been introduced. So cool!  Having to figure out which language to best address them was quite a thrill. Language really does open up a part of your mind that takes you out of your comfort zone, and if not utilized and practiced, will never become easier. It's not everyday that we are able to use this kind of knowledge that we may or may not already have, but once you open that door, it's a challenge that can be rather addicting and consuming (in a good way).  The average American is spoiled (to some) or deprived of ( to others a.k.a. me) in that they don't have/get to experience the inability of  being able to communicate to another human being via the use of words and language. It's really sad. Most Americans don't know what it's like to be somewhere where they are not understood and able to get/do anything they want, talk to anyone they want at any time. Having to learn or rack your brain for words in a different language, just in order to say hello or apologize or order food or any small task (not to mention get to know a person) is complicated. It's liberating and such a fun thing to be able to do. Americans are so brainwashed into believing the lies that they are the best of the best and the rest of the world wants to live in America and be like Americans and speak and act and talk and dress like Americans. It's a load of crap, and it's so sad to be the fat, lazy country that the rest of the world makes fun of for these reasons. America has a lot going for it, a lot of opportunities and such, but it's not full of educated, happy, and selfless people by any means. What are we striving for in life, anyway? Do we really want to be the most popular kid in school who is only popular because our parents are rich and so we have all these fancy clothes and drive a nice car but can't do anything for ourselves, much less for the other people around us? We don't have any close friends, merely millions of acquaintances, and it's our own fault. We are so talented and have so many resources, yet we choose to be so selfish and run the world, oblivious to the exuberant amount of good we're destroying in the process. People of the world probably wouldn't mind if we shared our easily-obtained money with them, but yet they want nothing to do with us as people because of what we represent and what we've allowed ourselves to become as a nation, and as individuals.  We can't think on our own anymore and we don't even have to if we don't want to. The government is more than happy to do that for us, and it does, making us even lazier, more warped and brainwashed, and ignorant. These are completely self-inflicted wounds, and all it takes is a little curiosity, a little drive, and a little concern. Why do so many millions of Americans not see this and want what they could have? They claim to be happy, yet I've met families living beside busy streets and dirty ditches with nothing more than a make-shift shanty and good imaginations who are happier than most Americans.

Continuing from before I got of on a tangent, at Erawan Falls, we hiked up some serious rocks (not for the weak or lazy) in the lush, green tropical vegetation, climbing 7 tiers of emerald green waterfalls and pools. A couple small gibbons were "hanging" out in some trees near the first tier. I suddenly felt a part of my heart mend together, becoming more whole at the sight. I felt at home seeing them there live, before my eyes. Watching monkeys is not dissimilar to holding a baby and watching his or her every move, expression, thought. They really are human-like, and babies are "like" little people. Their brains are capable of processing, interpreting, and creating. Their bodies (unlike those of babies) can multitask, feel weight distribution effortlessly, navigate amongst branches and limbs with such ease and haste. I can't wait to spend more time with them, get to know them and their personalities, become more in tune with my own body and able to throw it about with awareness. If I was something in a past life, I think it was a monkey...or a dolphin. Maybe a dolphin first. They intrigue the crap out of me, either way, and I love them, in their natural habitat, of course.

I love discovering new and universal forms of sign language, out of necessity, to use to interact with people who speak different languages than any I know. A person can only be co creative on his or her own, but stick them in a new environment, surrounded by foreign culture and he or she will realize so much more potential in him/herself as the person realizes that there's never a bottom to a black hole (the astronomical,scientific abyss). There's always "plenty more where that came from," one simply must be inspired or stimulated in a new way.  
     
On the drive back to Kanchanaburi from our day trip to the falls, I watched the fiery sun slowly sneak off behind the green mountains to make light for a new day on the side of the world that I used to call home. Daria had left on a bus back to Bangkok in order to catch her flight to the States in time, so I had the motorcycle to myself. B-) Yeh, talk about super freedom! I could stand up, put my feet up, stir around, go fast, weave from side to side, and I could feel the bugs smacking into my face, the wind and dirt and dust drying out my eyeballs, and the wetness seeping out of the corners of them like tears of happiness, but it didn't bother me for a minute. I was living and feeling and it was a dream. Had some grasshoppers for breakfast. They were better the first time around when they were fresh.  They were less crunchy and rather tasteless 2 days later, but I finished them anyway. haha

We passed a field of sleepy sunflowers that hung their heads as dusk came over them. Fields of sugarcane lined the road for miles, hiding tiny paths to bamboo bungalows that I was dying to visit and make my own. I would've loved to trek down the trails to discover the beautiful, yet simple lifestyles of the local village people. That time will come, though, for me. I must be patient. I was doing things Phil's way this weekend: playing civilized tourist and staying in the city in guesthouses along the main drag. I appreciated it, however, because I was able to do things that I normally wouldn't have chosen to see or gotten to experience if it were up to me. I definitely could live there, though, out in the countryside, which to me is the wrong word to use in this area of the world, but I am not sure what else to call it that would paint the right picture for my readers.   

Loy Krathong is a huge Thai holiday I was able to experience firsthand, a day or two later.  On this day, they celebrate and give thanks to the water: the sea, the river, and lakes for feeding and providing for them.  They send off little "krathongs" made of palm frowns, fresh flowers, sugarcane rings, and candles, into the water and simple lanterns with flames that fill with hot air from the candles and float off into the sky at night. It's quite a sight, rather magical. The area adjacent to the lake we went to was filled with thousands of people with home made fireworks and explosives (like M-80's). That many unsupervised people with such intense dynamite in one area makes for a mini war zone. At one point, I thought I had blown up after feeling, hearing, and seeing a bright flash and huge burst that made me jump...somehow. It was kinda scary, but after realizing I was still in one piece I was laughing and running and dodging the other "bullets".  

You can put on the red light if you want to.

So, I forgot the mention an exceptional opportunity I had in Hawaii. I was taken to the world's only natural salt water aquarium. I swam in a champagne pool filled with nearly 1000 fish and sea creatures or all sizes, meeting face to face with parrot fish, tuna, eels, and many other vibrant fish. I fed them avocados, lettuce, mangoes, and papaya. They loved it, but I think I loved it more. Such a special feeling that was! It reached parts of "wow" that I can't explain. And to be able to do that in a natural environment? Priceless.
I am comforted by the stray dogs that wander lazily about the streets, and occasionally burst into a wild barking fest.
So, I have been hanging out with another teacher who is also a sound engineer, and he has been sharing his knowledge with me. The addiction of music is a strong one. If it gets to you, you're basically done for, suckered into a life all-consuming. Every measure of a song, every sound or beat takes over you and is captured and tossed into an expensive blender of ideas and moves and other rhythms and vibes. Any life is forever tolerable from this point forward. I remember how closed and unexposed I once was to so many things. I didn't understand different lifestyles or types of music or ways of thinking and reaching conclusions. I thought I knew it all. Traveling has and forever will continuously erase these stereotypes and preconceived notions about the unknown. And I am so thankful for the opportunity to be able to say that. For the freedom to not care so much that all I can do is care. Care about every single human being who's path happens to cross mine, whatever their intention or mine. Some people are concerned, and for good reason, with safety and finances. I believe these are things one should be aware of, but should not have to constantly worry and stress over them. The less one has, the less one has to worry about. I have 150 pounds of belongings with me. I'd like to at least cut it in half. It ties me down. It's extra weight that inhibits me from doing.
I've decided to let the teaching gig go and to travel to the Philippines to see my family, experience yet another country, and to give myself time to do things I want to do. Teaching hasn't given me much chance to do that. The environment is not for me. I need to be physical, outside, and not working 13 hours a day. It'll be grand.
And I love Thailand. Everywhere you go, there are sacrifices to make, and having to make those is tough but oh, so inspiring after that fact, no matter the outcome. For every red light, there's a green light. Why else would there be a red light?  

PT: Yeh, but why?

Imagine: the epitome of unconcern for the opinion others hold of you. We strive for it, some more than others, and yet we can only imagine the total freedom of pure disconnect from the perception that other people create of us. Why are we so concerned? WOULD that be a positive thing, if we were so carefree? We're a product of our every moment, each environment we encounter shapes us into our own unique mold, and the idea of how many unique beings traipse the earth on a daily basis is mind-blowing. Where did we start and where do we end? Is there an end? How is progression defined in the elapse of time? Are we progressing or simply changing? Is one person more right than another when it comes to fulfilling the purpose of life? How is it that some people never get to experience pure happiness and others know nothing else?  Why is it that sometimes we are wrapped up in such a strong embrace, we feel invincible? How is it that some can control the creation of such feelings, yet others aren't quite able to reach this point. Are they trying too hard? What shall they sacrifice to feel the feeling of utter vulnerability, so naked that it's comforting? So exposed, it feels safe. That is what invincibility means to me. Giving up all fear for the sake of being free. Unstoppable. Unbreakable. Almost immortal. I wish everyone could make a movie of themselves. A movie of our lives. Every moment of everyday. And we all could watch it. Everyone. It would consist of footage of daily routines and adventures and precisely selected music. No dialogue. Just video and song. So much can be felt and moved through sight and sound. What is like to live without all 5 or 6 senses? Is one really deprived if he or she lacks a sense? What about 2? Can they still be swept away into the Never Neverland of instruments and sea breezes and sunsets and wind in their hair, and the taste and texture of foods, and warm sand surrounding their feet, the feeling of free fall, being 30 stories high on a balcony and having the view of a bustling city below, with only the sound of the wind in their ears? How is it that I am able to connect with people without even having met them? I feel like I'm always in a movie, and everything in each scene of my day is an important part of the movie. I somehow feel able to relate with each part of the movie, each character, each building, each piece of trash on the ground, extra fill-in in the background. And no words are necessary. That seems to be a major theme for my life lately: communication via methods of abnormality: non verbal only.
I'm learning. And I love it.     

PT: There's Comfort at High Speeds

We all have moments in our lives, snip-its in time when we can have realizations, find answers to questions we may not have known we had.  Realizations where we instinctively, but conciosuly recognize the significance of that particular moment as a turning point, a landmark, that marks where our lives are changing.  When you smile and think to your self, 'Whoah! This moment is going to shape the rest of my life'.  And it's those moments, if/when realized, inspire and motivate us to embrace that about which we are truly passionate. Most of the ideas of which we create and take ownership as children are our most genuine passions. If a child wants to be a hairstylist, a painter, a writer, a firefighter, a rapper, no matter the source of the idea,  because there always exists an essence of source, he or she is destined to partake in such  concept. An idea. Some thing. A thought or conception that potentially or actually exists in the mind as a product of mental activity, exists for some possibly unexplainable reason. To serve some purpose in the file labeled by the title of that specific individual. Locked securely in the safe of the Answer Book to Life. Each person on this earth has been given the opportunity to be. Be anything, just be. Be however YOU want. Take that to heart because it's the epitome of living your life. What other reason would there be to the endless options that have the maximum potential to encounter such pure individual happiness and fulfillment within our souls.  The manifest content of a dream as opposed to the latent content that it conceals is typically insight to the soul, whether or not we are able to interpret it. So, dance naked like a funky chicken. Sing in your shower until you lose your voice. Leave your house and talk a walk in a foreign part of town with your headphones in, your body grooving, your lips smiling, and become completely consumed in the tune and the beat as they lift you off the ground and spiral you up into a world in the sky where you are invisible to the rest of the world but able to take in everything you see, hear and feel through creative eyes and a completely vulnerable mind. Fly to the moon and never come down. This is what life is about.

When in Rome...or Thailand, Rather.

It's been one full week. I believe I can officially say I am a resident of this foreign country. Living on the mainland (US), one can merely attempt to fathom the wonders of the world beyond the shores of "sea to shining sea". Crossing borders really does give a whole new meaning to the word 'foreign', especially in Asia. I thought I knew most of what I was about to encounter once I flew over the vast Pacific Ocean: similar to the US, only more rice, less blonde hair, and way better food. Ha! Well, that's a grain of sand on the tip of the iceberg. And THAT, my friends, is why I am in love with traveling. For the shear fact that every moment is a new experience, no matter how American you try to be.
The Thais are amazing people. I'm gaining a sturdy feel for these people, and though I must admit I was intimidated the first day or two, traipsing about and feeling like a sunflower in a field of red roses, I am finally (or already...not sure which is more appropriate or normal) beginning to feel comfortable in my own skin here. I know they probably view me as a foreigner and may be hesitant toward me, but I am learning when and at whom I can smile and be my friendly self, who I probably shouldn't trust right away, and now that I'm figuring out my surroundings and means of transport, I can relax and know I'll be okay. The stray dogs everywhere don't frighten me, the extremely uneven sidewalks that broke/expertly jammed my big toe on the first day are allowing my sandaled feet to get accustomed to them, and the brown, polluted air that teems with interesting and unpleasant scents is becoming less noticeable in my nostrils. Haha, whether these are positive things or not is for you to decide, but as for me, I'm categorizing them as steps toward adaptation.
I have been teaching since my second day here, and though it's been tremendously hectic and full of surprises and unknowns, I have made it through this far, and for that I give myself credit. Having never taught before, being thrown into a school that's religion is different from my own, in a new country where the students generally speak another language, having to figure out not only WHAT to teach, but also how, where, when, and who, having to learn public transportation systems that are new to me, a currency so different from my own, trying to decipher these things while suffering severe jet lag for 3 days straight, and surviving until the weekend is saying something. Don't get me wrong, I loved every minute of it, but I must say it has been one long week. And the toilet thing. Thais don't believe in toilet paper (how green of them), so the bathroom thing has been comical, as well. Little hoses beside the toilets (if you're lucky enough to get a stall with a Western toilet, as opposed to a squat toilet) quietly hang beside you as you're doing your business, as if you're not dreading the clean-up process afterward, not to mention the wet spot on the crotch of your pants for the next 20 minutes until it dries in the heat of the day. And as far as the traffic moving in the wrong direction, I always told myself I wouldn't fall victim to being the stupid American who forgot to TRULY look both ways when visiting countries such as this, yet there I was, more than twice, almost darting out into oncoming traffic, unaware of the flow. Oh, and once you think you have the traffic thing down, you still have to be on your toes because anything goes in Thailand as far as driving. There are no real speed limits posted or rules saying you MUST drive with the flow of traffic and not wherever you want. Motorcycles, if you can squeeze between two cars or between that curb and that bus, you are more than welcome to make your way through to arrive at your destination faster. If this means taking the sidewalk instead, so be it. Just watch out for the dogs lying in the middle of the road, the poles, stairs (to foot bridges), and hundreds of wires strung about the sidewalks. If you can fit 3 toddlers and an adult on your bike, that will save gas or an second trip, just like an industrial truck with no tailgate or door on the back containing 20 beer-drinking men in the back. It's ok. It's Thailand: the land of the happy and hopeful. We did just get flooded, but no worries, mate! Life is good. Grab some sand bags to slow down the cafe con leche-colored water and just wade through the rest. Just make sure you  take those wet shoes off before entering the house.
Oh, Thailand! Bangkok is, sadly to say, much cleaner than the province just northeastern part of the city in which I reside. 7.5 million people making their way leisurely amongst the innumerable street stall vendors, and the buses, tuk-tuks, saam thaws, motorcycles, taxis, vans, and all the other unidentifiable vehicles seems like it would all add up to chaos, and to a small town farmer, this may be true, but one can sense the laid back attitude of this version of Asian culture. It's so interesting to watch. I learn new words and how to say other ones correctly,  everyday. It's probably one of the highlights of my days here so far. That feeling of accomplishment one feels from being able to successfully communicate with someone from scratch is especially rewarding. How a person could not have the desire to attempt to communicate with the people whose country that individual is invading, and instead remain selfish enough to suffer because the locals won't come to level of the foreigner and speak that persons' language in THEIR country, is beyond me. Being immersed in a a foreign culture is such a cool experience that few actually have the opportunity to do, that I feel ashamed for those who are stubborn enough to not make an attempt. And sadly I am one of the few in my work environment who has taken the first steps to understanding this complex language that surrounds us everywhere we go. I want to be a local everywhere I go.  

180 Degrees Away From All I've Ever Known

Unfortunately, I had to leave the Big Island and fly to Honolulu (on Oahu) where hooked up with a couchsurfer named Bob, dropped my 150 pounds of luggage off at his work after hauling them around on the bus and about 3/4 mile through town. Ended up buying some surfwear that was surprisingly cheap at the huge, 4-level Ala Moana Shopping Center, headed across the street to Waikiki Beach, walked down the coral, white sand beach and into the salty crystal clear water. It'd been several months since I'd seen a white sand beach, so I was very appreciative. The sun beat down on my ripened skin as I lay there on my sari taking it all in. That night Bob took me to get fish tacos and then to the local scene at the Harbor Pub where Hawaiians serenaded the crowd with voice box-stimulating tunes and the bartender surprised us with all sorts of drinks and snacks and pizza. I found myself on my own 23-foot sailboat for the night under the stars and in front of a city-scape backdrop of lights reflecting gently on the harbor waters as I was rocked to sleep by the sounds of the tide lapping against the hull of the boat, fish jumping and chasing each other in a night feeding frenzy, and wind winding its way through the masts of 400 sailboats around me. Later that day after more miles of bussing and walking with my heavy bags (that need to be downsized), I found myself in the Tokyo airport. Then in Taipei, Taiwan, and a day and a half after departing Honolulu, I wounded up in Bangkok, Thailand in my new apartment above the FTC English Teaching Center. I've never had such a long flight, or sets them, never lost an entire day and a half to travel, nor have I ever had such an amazing experience flying. My first international flight opened my eyes to the Asian culture, which I now adore and completely respect (I might have had issues before). The service was impeccable, the food was incredible (I recommend requesting vegetarian because you get your food first, it's really good, and you get extra beverages :) ), and the Chinese are beautiful people. I couldn't stop watching them! I mean, I'm related to Chinese Americans, and I've interacted with all kinds of Asians, but there's something about seeing them in their element with other Asians, that's simply fascinating. I now have a new respect, for sure. Forgive me for somewhat judging in the past (gross). Tapei, Taoyuan looks so colorful and bursting with character and culture. I definitely want to visit and explore the land. Tokyo was very orderly and sophisticated-looking, also quite intriguing. Thailand, my new home for a year is very interesting. Granted, I am in the middle of the biggest and dirtiest city in the country, not to mention it's ranking in the world. I look forward to exploring the other, less populated and polluted parts of the country as soon as I get the chance. I will be teaching 5 classes of 11th graders Reading Comprehension (my worst subject in school, go figure), and they will be helping me improve my own skills, not only in comprehension, but also in the Thai language, Thai culture, and simply in how the teenage mind functions and perceives the world around it. To these things I look forward. I also have to bite the bullet and learn to love wearing Catholic School girl attire at St. Francis Xavier School. So, the flip side of the world is going to help me work on the things I haven't been the best at, so that I can better be the well-rounded individual I was set on this planet to be. I meet the students and Sisters tomorrow and the lessons begin the following day (October 27th). Can't wait!     

Time, Although Non-Existent, Somehow Manages to Fliy When You're on an Island

Much has happened since my last post, and I apologize, since "the little things" will be masked by the big things, and so on. I would attempt to recapture just the highlights, for the sake of time, but every moment since the last posting has been a highlight, hence the delay. With that said, here lie the moments since October 3, to the best of my memory. Ahem.
Arianna, a 29-year-old WWOOFer on the farm, has taken me to all kinds of warm healing ponds, tide pools, and champagne ponds that had gorgeous views of the sunrise, and breathtaking snorkeling (where you can open your eyes under water and see the marine life and coral and lava rocks below with only a slight blur). Most have "secret" tropical access roads that could easily be mistaken for hidden driveways, since nothing is really labeled in the Big Island jungle. There is also a green sand beach in the area that we didn't make it to, yet heard it was stunning, as one can imagine. Hitch hiking is the lifestyle on the island, and it's as safe as getting a ride from your best friend, probably easier. So, Kelly (a girl from NYC who's also staying on the farm), Arianna, and I did a good majority of our hitching excursions together, and encountered all SORTS of people. All are so very kind and friendly and giving and...unique. haha Very unique, each ride is. The backs of the trucks are my favorite, especially at night when you can look up and feel the peace of the night as the billions of stars against the black night sky peer down at you and smile. The silhouettes of towering albesia and palm trees are enough to make my night. Combine that with the scent of tropical fruits, white ginger, hibiscus, and latis pathis flowers, and you've got yourself some atmosphere! Top it off with good friends gathered around a bon fire all playing a handmade instrument, singing, dancing, or embracing another, all breathing the pure ocean air. I could go on and on. Every moment of every day is this good; I kid you not. If you are hungry, there's always a coconut and a machete with your name on it, some well-rounded concoction on the gas stove in the community kitchen made with nothing but fresh ingredients by a fellow WWOOFer, fresh-picked fruits, veggies, herbs, and spices in strainer-covered wooden bowls (to keep bugs away..for the most part), or huge leaves of deep, forest green spinach, eggplant, peppers, kale, lettuce, tomatillos, taro root, basil, ginger, etc etc begging to be plucked from the garden.
One evening before a day off, (Wednesdays and Sundays and every other afternoon) Ari and I took the free bus to Hilo, the nearest "big" city to see some waterfalls. Calvin, another guy from the farm, was staying in a hostel that same night and offered to let us crash with him. Being the adventurer that I am and the good sport that Ari is, we opted to make our way on our own ;-). It was dark by the time we'd arrived, but the night was still young, and so were we. We checked out the local Kava bar where delicious Dubstep (heavy electronic music) was blasting. The bartender, after realizing I was a Kava virgin, poured us a coconut shell full of the liquid, explained and guided us through the ritual hand-dipping and flicking and clapping gestures, and took the shots with us. Now, kava is non-alcoholic and 100% legal, yet sedating and is primarily consumed to relax without disrupting mental clarity. I decided to try the kava brownie since it resembled a chocolate blondie. How could I resist? Just after I'd taken the first bite, I realized my mouth felt as if I'd squeezed and entire tube of Oragel into my mouth. Completely numb and completely normal, so said the bartender. "How long will this last?" I asked. "I want to taste this delicious brownie." "Only about 2 more minutes," (about 8 minutes after drinking the kava) he said, pulling out concentrated tinctures of the stuff and pouring onto our tongues. "Try this!" he exclaimed with a smile. Great. This brownie is going to go to waste because I can't feel or taste it, I thought. haha The free kava did relax me and seem to clear my mind and allow me to focus better. We hung out with some more of the locals and at the end of a long night decided to find our sleeping area for the night. Yep, we were voluntarily homeless that night and enjoying every minute of it. I picked a nice spot on the ground up against a raised gazebo near the bus station, but overlooking the Bay and Coconut Island, where the sun would rise in a matter of hours. Two other homeless people were in the gazebo talking ALL night, which I ended up not minding, and instead considering our security for the night. I must say the ground was pretty hard and Hawaii can get chilly at night, and using 2 pairs or someone else's shoes as a pillow has it's pros and cons, but we woke up around 5:30 as the sun was contemplating joining us for the day, and we noticed several other people sleeping around our area. Who woulda thunk I'd pick the cool spot to crash! We strapped our bags to our backs, headed across the street to wash our faces and brush our teeth in the gas station bathroom, strolled through the market that was just being set up, and found ourselves in a truck with a Hawaiian man on our way up the hill to Akaka Falls. The walk through mammoth Avatar-like vegetation and the sight of a 420-foot waterfall were stunning, but there's no swimming allowed and the locals weren't around to show us the secret watering holes, so we hitched with some other French-speaking tourist (Fabio look-a-like and his girlfriend) and ended up getting a ride all the way to the Rainbow Falls where we could actually get wet. Walking up, you enter a cave-like covering, which is actually the root sysytem of a giant Banyon tree that I fell in love with. The tree actually covers about 1.5 acres! A local told us there is another one in the area that covers 6 acres!!! Holy Avatar, Batman! After peeling myself away from this tree and this man's knowledge of it, I caught up to Ari who was making her way through the narrow jungle path that opened up to a secluded watering hole with a lava rock wall and a huge tree with hanging vines that made it almost cave-like. Some form of berries constantly fell into the water below creating a musical kerplunk as I stripped off my clothes and tip toed into the mysteriously murky water. The water was cold at first, but became most refreshing once my body had been fully emerged. I swam over to where a dried up waterfall had gorged a path in the lava rock, hoisted myself out of the water, pushed my fingers', forearms' and toes' strength to the limit, and monkeyed my way up the rock wall and over and down to the other side where another, reachable waterfall stole my breath. Climbing down the rock without slipping on the wet, moss-covered parts was tricky, and at the bottom, I barely hesitated for a moment before diving in head first and swimming 100 yards to the fall. Ari swam around and met me and together we shared our permagrin under this fabulous natural shower on a ledge at the base. No one else was around, probably not daring enough to trek as far as we did on the rocks, but also not as rewarded. We swam back to where we each had started, but instead of climbing down where I had first climbed up the dried-up waterfall, I stood at the top of the wall, 15 feet up and noticed a rope camouflaged amongst the hanging vines that beckoned me. Ari flung it up to where I was just as a group of 5 tourists approached our tiny beach. I swung like Tarzan from the clifftop, swinging back and forth a few times before flailing into the silty water below. Cheers and applause greeted me once I surfaced, and I swam to shore to catch my breath, smile, and reflect. Catching the bus seemed like a bore so I introduced Ari to the amazing world of frozen yogurt and we ended up hitching all the way from Hilo back to our farm with a super cool native! People will actually go "out of their way" to take hitchhikers where they need to go. One kid was just driving around and said he lives on "Plan B" and Plan B that day was to pick up hitch hikers and take them to their destination. haha Lucky us! I never thought I'd be so happy to be someone's "Plan B" but it's all he wanted to do! No favors at all in return, just and Aloha and a smile.

FEELS LIKE FLOATING

I fall asleep with a smile on my face every night. That has never happened to this extent. There’s definitely something completely magic about this place that..it’s not that I can’t explain it, it’s just that this seems so right for me and normal that I almost feel no need to explain it..because it is just my life at this point, my everyday. But it’s 100% beautiful in every way fathomable. But I will, for the sake of sharing my life with those who wonder and dream about a life so different than theirs. This is what I am living. 

So the Hawaiian organic farm life is very rustic. It’s like living in a tropical jungle away from the chaos and hustle and bustle and stress of typical society on the mainland. There are papayas, mangos, avocados, jackfruit, lemons, tangerines, pineapples, galangal (Thai ginger), coconuts (duh), rollinia, ice cream bananas, eggplant, sweet potatoes, 4 types of spinach, lemon grass, basil, parsley, taro root, kale, star fruit, abiu, peppers, chili peppers, and many other herbs, veggies, and fruits whose names escape me. So, needless to say, I’m already in heaven because its all plentiful and I can eat so freshly and cheaply and nutritiously. There are currently 12 WWOOFERS here, who have been here from 3 days (myself) to 8 months. I almost want to postpone my flight to Thailand and just stay here for a lot longer. That’s how good it is, in case I haven’t emphasized that enough. There are small rustic cabins that most WWOOFERS live in. There’s a honeymoon suite or two that are occupied as well by WWOOFERS. There isn’t much rhyme or reason for the layout of this farm, and the cabins and such are sporadically placed about the general area. I moved to the far back near no one, in a screen covering under a larger tarp covering, basically in a tent amongst the avo, jackfruit, and tangerine trees.  There’s a communal kitchen area, a liberating shower area amongst the banana trees, and 2 adjacent toilet stalls with shower curtains as doors.

We work on the farm for 4 hours in the morning, more or less on our own time,  everyday but Sunday and Wednesday, doing all sorts of things from collecting the ripe fruit (“Fruit Run”) to washing galangal, shucking bean sprouts, and weeding. When I say weeding, I want you to picture huge banana trees, coconut palms, Hulu grass, vines everywhere, and other masses of tropical overgrowth.  It’s awesome. I’ve discovered my first allergies weeding here. I have elongated hickey-like spots all around my arms, long with other smaller red patches that burn pretty well. I tore out and old chicken wire fence today, and must claim the fact that it made me a blood donor for the day. No worries, though. I’m a big girl.

I hung my gymnastic rings from the jackfruit tree in my “backyard”, which simply warmed my heart. Yes, I monkeyed up this huge tree barefoot in my loin cloth, machete strapped to my back, reached out on a limb to secure each ring in place, hanging on with just my toes, and swung down to the ground on the huge vines that adorn it like tinsel, not too far from the way a fireman slides down a fire pole.

I was going to say yesterday was the best day I’ve experienced thus far in my life, but everyday here is the best day ever, no matter what happens or doesn’t happen. There are no let downs. They just don’t exist. It’s almost as if it were impossible to be anything less than on Cloud Nine. You can’t say that about too many places. Yesterday was our day off (Sunday), and 6 of us piled into Don (a dude who is buying a good chunk of the farm and who is basically the older, male version of me..no, seriously)’s ‘93 Toyota truck, cab and bed, and drove down the most mesmerizing road I have ever witnessed, with huge, hundred-year-old mango trees hosting vines with deep green, dinner-plate sized leaves crawling up the entire trunks, and about 50 other types of environments every 100 yards or so, mostly involving gorgeous trees reaching out over the road to hold hands with the ones on the other side, creating  such a picturesque scene, I’m pretty sure my hanging jaw allowed some drool to dive into my lap. About 15 minutes into the drive, we pulled over on the side of the road, following the lead of the other 20 cars, climbed down the black rock lava cliff, and were stopped halfway down by the breathtaking sight. 80-100 colorful people, some nude, some with drums, some doing backflips, some climbing the pole-size tree trunks that scaled the 50-foot cliff we’d just climbed down, and everyone just relaxing and enjoying paradise as the waves crash against the shore of this secluded black sand beach that the locals call Kahena. I practically melted as the black sand massaged my feet and between my toes and my senses  began to take in the whole realm of this exotic wonderland . The deep, dark heavy blue Pacific beckoned me instantaneously. My heart began to flutter like a butterfly as I stripped off my clothes and answered the call of the sea. I immediately felt my soul come to life, as if my life at that point was confirmed. I was where I was meant to be. A very friendly dude named Joeltita was checking out the colorful parrotfish and ahi tuna swimming about, when he surfaced with a grin and a handful of red lima (sea weed) he had just picked. With no hesitance to share, he informed me that it was great for vegetarians, and it was delicious!  Talk about fresh! The drum circle on shore was thumpin’ and full of dancers, yet I couldn’t get myself to leave the water, so I danced in the thickness of the sea, as other swimmers greeted me every few minutes with an “Aloha” and a smile. The show from the water was the best seat in the house, in my opinion. I couldn’t stop watching an adorable 6-year-old boy with long blonde dreads slide down the beach with his knees on his boogie board, hit the water, and catch about 2 feet of air over and over again. If this wasn’t enough, a rainbow appeared over the caves off to the right of the crowd, and winked in my direction. Bliss. Pure bliss. The sky began to sprinkle down on us in light wet droplets as we trekked back up to the car. Ending up at a tiny local, outdoor restaurant, you better believe I had a huge slab of fresh ahi on a sandwich with a salad to top it off. I thought the day couldn’t get any better, but the conversations with the people I live with, watching Going To America with Don, and filling my lungs with air so pure I feel like I’m not breathing. I’m in the most isolated place on Earth and yet I don’t feel the least bit “alone”. If I do, it’s more like personal, alone time that is necessary for me to function in this life. And here I am. Mind, body, and soul. Satisfied beyond words.

   

COCKADOODLE DOO!

10.2.10                 

Aloha! I made it to the little town of Pahoa, HI! Even further, I have spent my first of 20 nights in my new home! It’s 5:30A.M., and I am wide awake, thanks to the roosters on the other side of my screen door and my eyelids that didn’t hesitate to fall heavily with the sunset around 7 P.M. Considering my 17-hour day of traveling yesterday carrying 100 pounds of baggage on 3 measly hours of shut-eye, and a 6-hour time change from what I’ve been used to, I had no problem stretching out on a futon and entering dreamland at such an early hour. Adjusting to the time zones is going to be interesting.

After a fun-filled night in San Francisco at the Matt & Kim show, losing my wallet in the swaying mob of people, having it miraculously returned to me at the end of the show, all contents accounted for, (not to mention losing my phone the day before and having it returned to me in mint condition that morning, I am starting to gain faith in humanity. And, of course, in the angels that trace my every move.  

I’m not going to lie and tell you that the 5-hour flight to Honolulu from San Fran was a piece of cake. It is, sadly, the longest flight I’ve encountered thus far, and it did make me well aware of the amount of sleeping pills and mind-consuming activities I’m must seek out in order to stay sane on the long journey to Thailand in three weeks. Flying into Hawaii was absolutely breathtaking, though, as one can probably imagine. Being from the beach, I felt my soul come to life again and the saltwater race through my veins. It felt so natural.  Tropical vegetation as far as the eye can see, waterfalls pounding into lazy rivers below, and tiny, yet comfortable little abodes tucked in beneath the vibrantly colorful plant life. Not to mention the swells rolling in all along the coastline, beckoning me to come play. I can already tell Hawaii is one place I will have to revisit.

The Honolulu airport was playing Hawaiian music, many things were written in Hawaiian, everyone was adorned in fresh-flower leis, and the magazine shops were mostly surfing magazines. The airline magazine in the seat-back pocket on the inter-island flight was basically a local surfing mag, as well. This sort of place only exists in my dreams, so I thought. was I had a few hours to kill before the short jaunt to the Big Island from Oahu, so I grabbed a “101 Things to Do on the Big Island” magazine, my ridiculous pile of luggage, and marched outside into the 74-degree sun to soak up some rays. I don’t doubt I looked homeless, but it sure wasn’t the first time and definitely won’t be the last. Just prior to walking out on the tarmac to board the little toy plane to Hilo, I met a man by the name of Fantuzzi. What an interesting character he was! Born and raised in New York City, he’s been to 76 countries, every U.S. state, and he makes a living playing afro-beat, reggae-funk music. He gave me the name of the place at which he’s playing Monday night and said it’d be a great place to meet some people. Sounds like a good time to me!

The sun is rising now, and the day awaits me. I’m going to be joining the other WWOOFers today doing some work with some roots. That is all I know at this point. Well, I do know that I can’t wait to shower and brush my teeth. The farm is like a jungle and my search for the bath house in the dark was unsuccessful, so I’m looking forward to getting to know the area like the back of my hand.

Side note: I’m currently watching a live cockfight on the other side of the door, and I must say it’s quite amusing. They are sooo loud! BOCK BOCK BOCK BIGOCKKKKK! Haha. Wow. I’m excited to say this will soon all be normal.  

No strings attached

They say everything happens for a reason, and I believe them. Whoever "they" are. I think they know something the rest of us don't know, yet can sense, and therefore we follow their philosophical lead into convincing ourselves that our actions, whether ignorant or brilliant, are somehow justified. And somehow this belief eases our tempers and calms our minds. Sort of like an easy way out almost. And I am convinced there's truth in it all.
        Anyway...I made it to San Francisco. Then, because this city's public transportation system is functional and existent, I collected my 2.5 bags of a year's worth of belongings, found my friend Whoolee, and hopped aboard the BART (train/metro) toward Oakland. Twenty minutes or so later, after reaching our next destination (where we were to catch a bus) the BART doors were closing behind us as it tore off again and it was then I realized my phone was still sitting in the seat. To sum a lengthy afternoon up into a few lines, it was a grand adventure, I learned how the BART system works, I witnessed a good chunk of San Fran (perhaps not the best parts), and I realized that I am starting with a clean slate. New names, new faces, new stories, and new adventures. I did not find my phone, but I learned a lot. Yes, I learned that I should probably boost my responsibility levels at times, but also that I am a free bird with nothing holding me back. No contacts to start. Only plenty to create. And that feels good.
         San Fran grows on me every time I visit. Well, California in general. There are so many kinds of lifestyles, cultures, styles, and languages stirred together into a cauldron of beautiful diversity. Meanwhile, there's some underlying understanding here that stems from the city in general. It's something that you can't understand in other parts of the country unless you've lived in a big major city for a period of time. It opens my eyes to how little I know about societies and how they function, their expectations, their attitudes, their ways of thinking. It's the culture of city life. And it's crazy. The normalcy of unique individuals, germs, awesome people-watching, crime, small, yet expensive housing, graffiti, lack of vehicle ownership, constant entertainment, individualism and the freedom to express it in any way one feels is necessary, bad drivers, sketchy people, etc. I have so many questions, most of which most likely will not be answered. I wonder what it'd be like to grow up in a place like this. I am so curious. I need to spend more time here. In cities. Tomorrow will bring me a little more time to explore. Tonight has come to an end.    

The final moments...

I have dreamed of this day, this moment, since I was a little girl. Doing the things I've always wanted to do, but didn't have the time, money, wisdom, or freedom to do so. In some way,  I wasn't ready. I'm ready now. I've gone through such a spectrum of emotions to get to hits point. And they don't stop here. Each hour they change. My mind embraces some other idea or thought that I haven't been able to understand until that point. And it changes me. I love the feeling. It's different every time, and yes, in a way it's scary because it's unknown and I can't really control it, but it;s all part of the plan for my life. It's refreshing, inspiring, and it keeps me on my toes. There is nothing stagnant about it. Not like much of every day lives that we tend to live and watch go by. This is real. Each one of my senses is on full alert. At all times. And that is what living is all about. In my eyes. I feel alive. Like Pinocchio when he becomes a real boy. Like Tarzan learning about life in the city. Completely foreign and all-encompassing. So surreal. I feel it and I love it and I can't wait for lift off.